Don't lecture. I like watching paint dry. (Diary) By Karl Whitney The Guardian, Tuesday 21st September 1999 - - - - Am I looking forward to going back to college, for another year of whatever it is they do there? To be honest "ambivalent" is the word I'd use. First of all there are the actual lectures and tutorials (really, some people actually do go to these). They're not a terrific way to spend your time, and daytime TV has just dug its talons into me, so I may become selective as regards attendance. You understand, don't you? It's not that daytime TV is good or anything, it's just that after a certain amount of time you become an addict. You become powerless to control this creeping addiction, and end up watching hours of vacuous Australian soaps and anonymous cookery programmes where amateur chefs, puffed up with their own sense of self-importance, turn fresh food into charcoal without raising a sweat or lifting a spatula. Daytime TV echoes prime-time in theme, but the content is usually slap-dash and on a shoestring budget. It harks back to the days when the world was entertained by cheap, cheerful yet imaginative, programming. Daytime TV is just like that, minus the imagination. Does the world need another programme where people decorate each others' houses? Daytime TV says YES! and runs three shows that are exactly the same back-to-back. By watching all three you can lose all sense of time and place, yet gain a unique insight into the psychology of home improvement. The gnawing tedium of watching the simpering Mr and Mrs Average tinker with each other's wallpaper and dye each others' curtains has been known to reduce grown men to blubbering wrecks. Years ago, people used to disparage something without entertainment value as being like "watching paint dry". Now, watching paint dry has become a cornerstone of our TV viewing. Forgive me if I can't suppress a chuckle. • Karl Whitney is studying English at University College, Dublin. To read this piece on the Guardian site click here -------- Journalism | Stories | Home | About